I did not write this but…

Dear American liberals, leftists,  social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al.  We have stuck together since the
late 1950s, but the whole of this latest  election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce.
I know  we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations,  but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological  sides of America cannot and  will not ever agree on what
is right so let’s just end it on friendly  terms.  We can smile and
chalk it up to irreconcilable differences  and go our own way. Here is
a model separation agreement:

Our  two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass, each
taking a  portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our
two  sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be
relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep  them.

You are welcome to the liberal judges and the  ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms,  the cops, the
NRA and the military.  You can keep Oprah, Michael  Moore and Rosie
O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a  bio-diesel
vehicle big enough to move all three of  them).

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,  pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

You can  have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal
aliens.   We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and
rednecks.   We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You  can make nice with Iran and  Palestine and we’ll  retain
the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.  When our  allies or our
way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them  security..

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values..  You  are welcome to Islamic
Terrorists, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley  McClain.

You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer  be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks  and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can  find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find  any practicing
doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury  and not a

We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic andthe  National Anthem.

I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute  Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the
World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the  World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you  can give
trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it  often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and
our  flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass  it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you  do not agree, just
hit delete..

In the spirit of friendly parting,  I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us
will need whose help in 15  years.


John J.  Wall
Law  Student and an American

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